Funny Quotes!

the founding fathers in their own wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents.  so they provided jails called schools equipped with torture called education.  -john updike

i not only use all the brains i have, but all i can borrow.  -woodrow wilson

many a man thinks he has an open mind when it's merely vacant.  -author unknown

people think a thing's worth believing in if it's hard to believe.  -armiger barclay

we are all pilgrims on the same journey - but some pilgrims have better road maps.  -nelson demille

the poor think they will be happy when they become rich.  the rich think they will be happy when they get rid of their ulcers.  -author unknown

no matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.  -abraham lincoln

abstract art:  a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.  -al capp

advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.  -stephen leacock

maternity is a matter of fact, paternity is a matter of speculation.  -author unknown

familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.  -mark twain

if in a fight, hit first and hit hard.  -author unknown

don't ever make the same mistake twice -- unless it pays.  -mae west

all discarded loves should be given a second chance -- but with somebody else.  -mae west

trust in god, but lock your car.  -h. jackson brown, jr.

accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.  -h. jackson brown, jr.

The strong don't give up, the tough don't give in, the cool don't give a damn.  -author unknown

when you're down and out, and the whole world is going against you, just hold your head up high, with your fist in the air and say...somebody's going to pay for this!  -author unknown

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